5 Fears You’re Probably Facing

   
I woke up this morning and was going to write about the five things I’m currently grateful for, but seeing as I’ve spent the last week feeling more fearful than thankful, I thought that might be a little unrepresentative of the truth. I often get told off by friends and family for making everything seem like it’s going swimmingly well when really I’m onboard a ship that feels more like it’s sinking than sailing. As Christians we hang onto the scripture: 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”‭‭II Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

But that doesn’t mean all of our problems immediately melt away, so here are five of my fears, from the littlest to the largest of problems.

1. My phone battery dying

Don’t laugh, I know you worry too. I think this is the most prevalent fear I have, and there doesn’t seem much I can do about it. I live in one of those awkward locations that doesn’t have a tube station but three semi close national rail train stations with semi-regular buses that I can get home from. Because of this, every journey home is made in sync with whatever live travel app is telling me makes sense. A journey home with a battery under 20% is never enjoyable as I sit on airplane mode praying it makes it home.
If this is you too, we both have to face facts. Taking a little longer to get home because you couldn’t use the bus app to decide which stop you need to get off the train at is not the biggest issue in the world. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, is it worth the worry? Most times the answer is no, in which case you can exhale

2. That the hidden calories in all my food will one day come and bite me on the abs, legs, and everywhere else I am trying to loose weight.

I want to tell you that this is a silly fear and the chances are, an extra banana won’t make you fat, but I think it’s more important to know that being fatter than you’d like is not the end of the world. There’s a hard truth that we should all just accept and that is: you will probably never be 100% happy with your body. 

Sorry for the tough love, on a happier note, God made you in his image, God said you’re fearfully and wonderfully made, God’s opinion trumps societies image of beauty. Simples. 

3. That I’m not really good at the short list of things I think I am

Every time I come to write a blog post, a small knot forms in my stomach and it doesn’t unravel until I’ve clicked share and decided that there’s nothing more I can do to make it better. It’s not just writing though, every time I have to challenge myself to meet my own expectations and am under the scrutiny of others my forehead starts to sweat and my hands get clammy. The usual thoughts are:

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I fail?

What will people think?

I’m not going to lie and say you’ll be brilliant at all things you put your mind to but I have relaxed in accepting that I may not be able to do things in my own strength but in Christ I can do all things. Yes, that means I’m completely dependent on God, and I am learning to be cool with that.

4. That I’ll never have the lifestyle I’ve always dreamed of

There was an article in the Evening Standard that said graduates from my university were the highest paid in the UK and after 10 years, 10% of us earn 100k. Going to a university where everyone wants to be an investment banker/ corporate lawyer that figure is not a surprise, it has however added another stress to the thought ‘where will I be in 10 years time and what will I earn…’ It’s very easy to say that we’re not money motivated people and that we’re driven by less materialistic ambitions, but at the end of the day, the seniority we’ve been able to reach and the pay package that comes along with that will always be a point of comparison. 

So what to do?

Sorry to say but having money is quite similar to having a great body. You will set goals and reach them, but you will always want something outside of your budget and you will always want more money to meet all of your needs. That doesn’t mean stop striving because you’ll never be happy, but let the desire to achieve financially fall into place with a tameable level of importance. Learning to be satisfied with being dissatisfied works the best here.

5. That my looming wedding won’t be Vogue worthy

When you go to weddings you internalise all the things you think were nice and everything that wasn’t no nice and vow to learn from the couples mistakes. Then, when it’s time for your own wedding you create a fantastical vision of what you want it to be like before taking into consideration that you don’t have celebrity money and your parents and in-laws will weigh in with their opinion and expect to be heard. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I want extravagance to the nth degree, I’m just chasing after a wedding that’s close to the vision my imagination has conjured up, and as everyone who has been married will tell you, weddings are pricey. I am so used to being self-sufficient that having to trust God to provide the funds has made me uncomfortable, and hence the battle to combat fearfulness with being faithful commences.

For everyone who is also wondering where the money is going to come from to pay off their next big expense, there is a scripture we can find peace in:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

God’s got a plan, even if you are yet to think of one. Don’t rely on yourself one iota, but trust in him wholly and he will give you the direction you need, bring you into contact with the right people, open up the doors for your needs to be met.

We are so keen to share what we are grateful for, we create an imbalanced picture of greener grass and happier days to the onlookers of our lives. I hope that you’ll be encouraged to shout your fears as well as showcase your faith and that together we can encourage each other through our storms.

Happy Friday!

Dani

3 Ways To Ditch Goal Setting For Goal Getting

  

At the end of each year & approaching a new year there’s always a number of things going on within us as humans. It’s exciting. It’s emotional. It’s interesting as we wait and see what awaits for the year ahead. HoweverThe what happens when you suddenly feel like your goals are unachievable, or when your year so far isn’t going the way you expected it?

With so many #goals out there these days Its easy to set yourself high, sometimes unrealistic goals. 

Here’s a few things I’ve learnt about getting goals done: 

1. Set realistic goals 
If you’re setting yourself goals that deep down you know aren’t achievable in the timeframe you’ve set, then be realistic. I mean I’m all about positivity, optimism and faith. But for me when I set goals that are unrealistic sometimes it can become really overwhelming when it comes to achieving them. I find it best to break down goals and look at steps l can take to reach them over a time frame. 

2. Don’t leave goal setting to the New Year 

We should always have goals and a vision for our lives because ‘without a vision the people perish’. You can’t accomplish anything if you don’t have anything to strive for. (Hmmm – that pretty much sums up life in less than 140 characters). But don’t leave goal setting just for the New Year. The time to start something new, go after your dreams or break into your ideal career is NOW! 

I guess it’s nice to start new things in a New Year, but I’m learning that I should always have goals throughout. Don’t wait for a new month or a new year to come, because while it may be nice to wait for a Monday before you start that next project, it’s nicer to just get things done.

3. Set yourself goals for you 

This is something I have to remind myself frequently. I’m not competing against others people but competing with myself. It’s so easy to see what other people are doing and try to reach their level of attainment. Its great to be influenced or inspired by someone else but that shouldn’t be motivation to try and be like them or do what they are doing in their life. 

We each have different paths. My goals I set for myself are going to be different to the goals you set. 

Competing against yourself is the best way to measure success because you will be able to see where you are now and look back at where you’ve come from. 

Nobody will set your goals for you and generally no-one has a vested interest in you achieving your goals like you do. So set yourself the goals you know you’ll put the work in to achieve and you will see you’ve managed to cross off so much more off of that to-do list.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:12-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Love,
Precious 

Why I’ve Stopped Chasing My Goals

  

Happy new year all! I hope that it has been just as happy as the phrase commands and if your new year has not been a bed of roses (maybe that’s the wrong saying because a rose bed would be quite prickly) maybe if your new year has been a bed of roses, thorns hidden amongst the festive cheer, then I hope the year to come brings the happiness that has escaped the season. The new year is usually laden with corny phrases and lacklustre determination to achieve the goals that will make this the year that changes it all. For some lucky lotto winners this is literally the year that things started looking up with the addition of two more mere mortals turned millionaires, but for the majority of us it’s singing the same ‘new year, new me’ tune, people begin to question why they’ve been out on the planet which comes alongside a drive to find ones purpose and for those who feel like they’ve found it, a list of resolutions to help them achieve it.

This year I have missed the new year self transformation boat and January has felt like the 13th month of the year, with the only difference being the waves of excitement I feel in knowing that this year I will tie the knot and marry the man I can’t wait to do life with. Not a single New Years resolution in sight, I have stopped chasing for the new me that I hadn’t seen fit to find in 2015. 

What’s changed?

1. I’ve accepted that the old me was already on a journey of improvement which has continued on

2. I’m so excited about 2016 I haven’t had the times to fret about my shortcomings and to worry about what my future holds.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not slating those of you who have written your list and are trusting God to help you achieve everything therein. It just dawned on my that there is more to life than chasing goals and wishing you had a raison d’être. Before you pick up your pitch-forks let me explain the blasphemy.

What am I grasping at?

Do I firmly believe you are created for a purpose? Yes

Do I want you to achieve all that God has for you? Yes 

Do I want you to be consumed trying to figure out what you’re meant to do, whilst life passes you by? Definitely not

All I all I just can’t muster the energy to make January all about me.

It is important to have a vision and to follow up that vision by setting goals, but it is also important to not get blind-sighted trying to find your purpose you forget to use the gifts you know you’ve been blessed with for the purpose we all share. Whatever my goals are, if they don’t play a part in loving the Lord my God with all my heart and all my soul or loving my neighbour as I love myself then it’s likely they fall into the self gratification scheme of things or the get rich motive many of us keep on a back burner.

There is a lot of benefit in using this year to get fit and to progress in your career but if the only person you’re loving with your goals is yourself, I think now is the time to make room for some more. 

A couple of days ago I sat opposite a woman on the tube who was clearly fighting tears. As I searched in my bag for something resembling tissues a was relieved I could offer her some unused Pret serviettes which she accepted and then let the waterworks flow. I sat opposite her and I squirmed. Should I get up and hover next to her trying to speak to her through the glass on the end of the carriage or should I crouch in front of her and completely freak her out by trying to not tumble and speak sense at the same time? After a couple of stops of debating with myself the woman sitting next to her got off and suddenly I was faced with a whole new dilemma: to move or not to move. I’d just been tweeting about speaking to people you wouldn’t normally speak to and I could see God staring at me asking if I was going to be all mouth and no motion. I decided to man up and began a conversation that started with small talk about tissues and ended in us sharing a genuine squeeze as she thanked me. I didn’t do much. I didn’t preach about how Jesus could save her from all her problems, even though I believe he can. I didn’t use it as an opportunity to talk salvation and the imminent nature of hell, despite being fully aware of the importance of giving ones life to Christ. What I did do was lend an ear and offer a hug midway to a stranger who looked like she needed a cuddle.

I’m not sure what your purpose is, I don’t even know the full extent of mine, what I do know is that we are commissioned first and foremost to love. First our God, and then each other, and with each breath we need to make it our mission to do so. 

“Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭13:8-10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Instead of #newyearnewme Why not use 2016 to see where love can take you. I can say I love therefore I lean in for an awkward hug with a crying woman? What will you let love cause you to do. If you have any experiences where you’ve been able to step outside of yourself to show love I’d love to hear about them 🙂

Love lots,

Dani

How I Lost Two Stone In Two months

Two years ago I decided to lose weight…

It was around this time of year when I decided to go on the mother of all diets. Taking Kate Moss’s ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ as my mantra, I began my journey that ended in me going from a  size 12 to an 8 in  a matter of weeks. Those of you currently slaving away at the gym trying to sort out the summer bod, and asking how, listen closely. Starvation.

I can hear you already

“You did get that that was just plain old crazy, and quite simply unhealthy, in a life-threatening kind of way?”

Yes I did know, and no, I didn’t care. I wanted to lose weight at all costs, that if it meant engaging in what I called ‘non-eating days’ (what you would call starvation) those were the lengths I was willing to go to. I became so obsessed with losing weight and critiquing every inch of my body, I let that spread to critiquing others, and didn’t even realise I’d become sour and self-loathing. Looking back now, from a place of freedom, I’m literally so glad that God saved me from myself. The one positive I can take from the whole thing is that it highlighted how important the goals that we set for ourselves can be.

So what are you striving for?

Not that I have already attained this- that is, I have not already been perfected- but I strive to lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus also laid hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead, with this goal in mind, I strive toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

We spend so much time striving for the wrong things. We are absolutely consumed with a goal that is so irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, that the moments we’ve dedicated to living, eating and breathing ‘that thing’, are pretty much wasted. Every day we throw our time (synonymous with our lives) in the bin we are quite literally lifting up the toilet seat and flushing away our most prized possession.

Here’s why..

Firstly, we have our priorities in this messed up order and we don’t even realise it.

We have so many different roles to play in life that sometimes it gets tricky deciding which role needs attending to first. Imagine you’re a student, someone’s child and some company’s part time employee. When you have exams coming up, you don’t need me to tell you that it’s not the time to decide you’re going to do a major spring clean on your house and get in mummy’s good books. By all means help out your mother, but not to the point that the day before the exam,your excuse for not revising is that you thought you’d tidy the room that your mum had been nagging you to clean all year. In that very moment, clean house is not your priority. There’s a right time to do things and a wrong time. You don’t do your coursework while you’re serving customers at work, so why are you maintaining a text conversation with your friends in the middle of a church service? It took me a while to realise that the relationship I have with God, the Most High is my ultimate priority. My to-do list might be as long as my arm but seeking Jesus trumps it all.

Secondly, we’ve stopped caring what God thinks of us

Let’s go back to my weird relationship with food. If for a moment I had taken my eyes off of the scale and read my Bible, I would have been reminded that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14), everything God makes pleases him so according to God I looked great. Who cares if you’re not a bikini-body-head-turner when every time God looks at you he thinks ‘dayummmm I created a spice’ (spice means beautiful babe for everyone who started picturing oregano). Why don’t you care what God thinks? Not only have we ignored the positive things he thinks of us, we’ve stopped being concerned with the negative things. I say I’m in a relationship with you but everyday I’m cheating and my attitude is “So What?” Your attitude in life cannot be ‘I’m just a baby boy enjoying my life!” forever. There comes a time for maturity and growth.

This next bit might be hard to swallow but medicine never did taste sweet: If you cared… you would show it. If you loved God you’d obey his commands. If you wanted to be perfected in Christ you would open your bible and renew your mind. Don’t lie to yourself because you can’t lie to God. ‘I really want to get closer to God but….but….but…’But What? Are you bothered about aiming for the goal of righteousness, becoming more like Christ and partying it up with Jesus in heaven or nah?

Thirdly, we haven’t quite pin-pointed what exactly we want

One thing I’ve always found interesting is when older people say to me “you’re so lucky you found God in your youth, I wish I had started a relationship with Jesus earlier.” If I had a pound for every time I’ve mumbled under my breath, ‘no I’m not lucky, I wish I’d found God later in my life,’ I’d be a rich woman.

Shock!

Horror!

What exactly are you saying Dani?!

I may be the only one, but there’s been many a time in my life where on Sunday I’m so glad to be a Christian, can’t wait to walk with Christ that week, and by the time I hear a story about what a friend has got planned for their week, I’m wishing I could lay down my cross for a moment. What adults who got saved in adulthood, don’t understand, is that when you’re young you’d really like to live as a young person, despite your relationship with Jesus. What does living as a youth generally mean in our day and age: Putting our desires first. If that means lying on a roadside drunk every weekend, the taking of whichever drug is being offered, or the odd bout of casual sex, then so be it. It all becomes complicated when you’re a Christian. It’s not that God will immobilise you so you’re permanently on your knees at your bedside faced down in prayer, but that after you engage in all of these off-the-book activities, the Holy Spirit is going to hit you with major conviction and you’re going to feel like you should repent.

Tired of the guilty conscience after an evening spent sinning? It all comes down to who you want to please. Choosing to please God will never be easy but you’re just adding to your problems if you haven’t yet decided what team you’re batting for. Not only are you struggling with obeying God, you’re ‘umming and ahhing’ about whether you still want to obey God. Imagine a game of Rounders where you’re batting and fielding and bowling all at the same time. Tiresome no? Make life easier and make a decision that it’s Jesus you want to live for and walking the righteousness route is the only path you want to take.

I got so caught up in trying to perfect my body that I lost sight of all else. Nobody is perfect but in serving God, we should at least be striving for perfection. Being on the pitch was decided for you a long time ago, you now have to decide which goal you’re aiming for.

 

Loving you long time

Danixx