When Life Gives You Lemons

Last week, Beyoncé dropped Lemonade and according to Forbes.com, Lemonade has begun its charting life in the top spot with the biggest first-week sales count thus far in 2016. Am I surprised? Of course not. (King) Beyoncé is a force to be reckoned with, undoubtedly chasing the iconic status of the likes of Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson. I could have written a think piece about the issues the album so flawlessly unravelled (infidelity, race, womanhood, stereotypes, family issues – the list goes on) but it’s just not that kind of blog and I’m doing my best, these days, to stay in my lane. Just know, as a proud Beyoncé fan, I have my views on the album and I’m just awaiting her call to give her the feedback she’s been longing for.

There were a few instances during my personal viewing of the visual album (which is dope, by the way) that made me scream a little, I must admit.  However, the moment that resonated with me most was a line from the speech given by Jay Z’s grandmother, Hattie, at her 90^th birthday:

“I was given lemons and I made lemonade”.

I was speaking to my best friend just yesterday about the way that life works. Life is full of various seasons that we are forced to run, trudge, cry and fly through. Life overflows with turns, peaks, troughs, valleys and mountains, throwing whatever it wants at us. We are given lemons. In a second, life changes its rhythm and we are coerced into learning a new dance, one that changes the course of our lives forever. We make lemonade.

The original plan was to list all the moments life had given me lemons – where I thought life was going one way and then suddenly, I was on my back, knocked out by the blow life had dealt. Instead of reeling off a list of my own personal setbacks, I reached out to my people and the people over on Facebook, asking them about the times life had given them lemons. The responses I received were amazing. Enjoy the lemonade below.

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I spent 3 months working as a massage therapist on a cruise ship. I hated it at first, but then I made friends –  heck, I even got myself a tall Jamaican ship bae. The money wasn’t great but I was feeling great: partying, making memories, travelling the Caribbean. Everything was working for me, and then then literally over night my Hemoglobin checked out on me; my anaemia got so bad I had an emergency debark. Basically, they shipped my butt home. A week before Christmas, I made a 24-hour journey back to the UK from Puerto Rico. I didn’t even have a jacket! I was unemployed, a couple hundred dollars to my name in my sea account, no confidence, no energy and, sadly, fewer friends. I literally had to cling to my cousins and one in particular who was in church so by default, I was in church. As a consequence, my faith grew! I became happy, unmoved by external factors. Eventually, I got a job and it was a 5K increase per year compared to what I’d previously earned. I’m sharing my experiences via YouTube. No, I don’t wake up on a different island every day and I didn’t get to complete that journey, but its worked out for the best, and my opportunities are endless!

Sally, 24

I went through domestic abuse throughout my entire pregnancy. It was a horrific time and I often wondered if I’d made the right choice. My son is here now and he is the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. He’s shown me what real love is. I’ve learnt in life there are always better days ahead and life is for living, despite the ups, downs and hurdles we encounter along the way. Most importantly, I am now sure that God gives us only what we can handle and nothing more or nothing less.

Jane, 24

I think running a marathon is something on everyone’s bucket list. Just something you should do, an achievement. When Marathon day arrived, I had everything packed and ready; I wrote the names of all my family and friends who were no longer with us on my arms so that if I hit a wall, I could look down and remember that they couldn’t run a marathon. The marathon was a struggle: at times, I couldn’t walk, tears streamed down my face as I hobbled down the paths. When I finally reached mile 25, something just clicked. All of the sudden crowds were screaming my name and I was running, actually running. I looked behind to check my hip hadn’t fallen off, phew, I was still intact and I was still running. I could see the finish line. I ran as fast as I could and finished in 6 hours, 21 minutes and 26 seconds. The best way to describe the feelings I felt was likening the feelings to a rainbow. Red was anger that my beautiful Dad got taken away from me, why him? Why not someone else? Yellow was sunshine, happiness because I knew he would be proud. Blue was tears and lots of them. Pink was love and I had never loved my dad as much as I did then. I had to thank him for leaving me, because if he hasn’t, I’d have never been running a marathon in the first place.

Lucy, 24

I was working for a TV station. I had my own show, I was a presenter and producer, had ratings of 40,000 for 2 years. Then I lost my job. It was heartbreaking and emotionally draining because for those two years, I thought my purpose was in that job. My value and worth came from having a job but losing it was actually the best thing that happened to me because then began the journey of finding where my worth, value and really came from. It’s not from a job.

Yvonne, 25

I had to repeat my first year of university and it was embarrassing, such a dark time. Initially, I decided to appeal. I was praying and fasting so much. I put so much faith in God, believing that he was going to come through. When they got back to me and told me that I still had to repeat, it made me question how God actually worked. I felt that God had failed me. I felt so low walking into the New Year: I was lonelier than I’d ever felt before, I hadn’t achieved much and the girl I thought I’d spend my life with was in a new relationship. However, through this bad event, so much good came to me: I formed a relationship with God. The extra year was refreshing, spiritually and mentally. When I was ready to leave university, I walked straight into a graduate job – something I am sure would not have happened if I had graduated the year before.  I can honestly say that everything fell into place.

Luke, 27

Whilst in secondary school I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a boy in my year. I didn’t tell my family for a year and when I eventually did, my parents decided I needed to move schools. I was distraught and distressed at the thought of leaving all of my friends behind. Having been with them for 3 years, and some since primary school, I felt I was really taking an L. Leaving at the time seemed like the worst thing in the world, however it was the best. I was given the opportunity to go to an excellent school, meet incredible friends and I realised my full academic potential. The new environment was needed, refreshing and allowed me to flourish in every way. I realised how fickle people are and not to be consumed with my relationships. Often the sexual assault makes me sad, very sad and I am still dealing with a plethora of issues but I am getting better. The assault was an incredible loss and I often felt that God had left me and didn’t love me, but that was not the case. Even in the darkest of clouds, there is a silver lining. Moving schools, changing, learning and growing – these were all my silver linings. Perhaps if it hadn’t occurred I wouldn’t be what I am not where I am today. From my experience I realised God can turn any tragedy into triumph.

Kady, 19

I didn’t get my first choice of university. I was disappointed because I thought I was supposed to be in Manchester. It was a Russell Group university, well respected, and the course sounded great! Waking up on results day I discovered that it wasn’t meant to be. To rub salt in the wound when I collected my results it turned out that I had literally only just missed the grades for Manchester; a couple marks in one subject, four in another. 

Almost three years later and nearing the end of my university journey I can honestly say that coming to Canterbury has been the best thing for me. From church, to the people I’ve met, and my actual course content it’s been so good! I remember when I was choosing where to go I purposely avoided London, I wasn’t sure that a busy city was the place for me. Can someone please tell me why choosing Manchester instead made sense!? I can only laugh and thank God for His ability to see what I couldn’t. 

“A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”

Proverbs 16:9 NKJV

Daniella, 21

It was my birthday and I had decided to buy a car. The first two cars that a friend & I went to view were not to our liking, but the third seemed just right. My friend was driving the car around the neighbourhood and checking certain things…”boys and their toys” I thought to myself. As he was driving, he was revving the engine and suddenly it completely conked out! “I knew it!” he said. I however, was in shock and very disappointed that I wasn’t able to purchase a car for my birthday. I wanted to cry. On the way back I was praying about what had happened and God showed me a vision in which I was in the newly purchased car on the motorway and the engine cut out with loads of drivers headed my way at full speed. It lifted my spirit to know that in what seemed like an awful start to my birthday was actually one in which God reminded me how much He loved me.

Bella, 27

Some years back I believed I’d “heard” from GOD who I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. In fact, there was seemingly a mutual “hearing from GOD” by both parties and from there a relationship with marriage as the eventual goal began. The years that passed consisted of a number of good times, a hell of a lot of bad and a world of struggle to be each other’s reality of a perfect spouse. After what seemed like endless fighting, butting of heads and the never-ending pouring out of one’s heart and soul, it came to a dramatic end with symbols and drums. And boy, might I say that hindsight is 2020. I’ve come to the revelation that at that time of my life, I was a girl who was incomplete. Still in desperate need to know who I was and to whom I belonged to and to that end, that lack of knowledge and lack of wisdom sent me down a path I was never meant to embark on. I haven’t reached the end of my journey yet but today as a Woman of GOD I stand so clear and so confident about what’s to come for me. He said that He will make all things work together for my good. He’s doing just that.

Michael, 24

A life full of ups and downs, along with every person who walks this planet. One of my stories… I met the ‘love’ of my life… I had never in all my years felt the way I felt about her. It was, as cliché would have it; “love at first sight”.  The most magical time of my life, it was indescribable, and 6 years on, I still can’t find the words to describe ‘that’ feeling and ‘that’ time. I made a huge decision to move my life across the country ‘with’ her. Two years into the Yorkshire adventure I was betrayed by her. I was, despite my inner strength, broken.  I didn’t want to be that person who ran home at the first hurdle, no matter how much I was hurting. So I stayed… And continued to live my life to the fullest, I grafted, I grew, I found my self, I became content with my own self. It wasn’t without struggle. I continued to grow professionally and achieved things I didn’t think I was capable of. I travelled the world, met fabulous people, indulged in the cultures and lifestyles of these beautiful places.  Now I had this time for me, I made a conscious decision to continue my journey, taking on the path I now know, was and always has been my calling.  It took the hurt, the fixing and the adventures, but I have succeeded. Say hello to a newly qualified teacher that hopes to inspire, support and challenge young adults to believe that greatness comes in all shapes and sizes and strength comes from within; this and a little bit of faith is what has got me to this point in my life. 

Wendy, 33

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If you’re going through a tough time, surrounded by lemons, full of confusion and disbelief, be encouraged: lemonade can always be made.

Have you got any Lemonade stories? Do share them in the comments section, if you can!

Lots of love,

Joy

 

Thanks to all the contributors to this piece – thank you for sharing your stories so honestly with me!

*All names and ages have been changed

Why I Purposely Failed My A Levels

I am naturally indecisive; there are moments where I simply can’t make up my mind. Despite this trait, there is one thing that remains certain in my mind: I CANNOT merely exist on this earth. I can’t just live to work and work to live; I feel like there must be more. My purpose isn’t just to study, work, marry, birth, become a grandmother, retire and then depart; no, there must be more. I am convinced that we each have an individual purpose, a reason why we were created by God. This purpose is linked to our gifts and talents which we can use to make difference and influence the world around us. This, to me, is the way we can live life to fullest.
What if I don’t know what I was created on this earth to do? What if I don’t know what my talents or gifts are?

Sometimes it can be hard to know. It certainly was for me. I found out what my gifts were by accident.  I was 16, getting ready to choose my A Levels and began thinking about what I wanted to study at University; I literally changed my mind about 5 times! Originally, I was going to study something Maths-based because I was ‘alright at it’ and my family wanted me to take it further.

But I hated it.

So much so, I purposely failed my exams so I wouldn’t have to take it further (not advisable). When the dust settled, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. I even considered studying English because I had small hopes of becoming a Journalist but something inside of me was dissatisfied; something wasn’t right. I thought about my passions, the things that I naturally did well, without much difficulty, and that I loved doing and it dawned on me: I wanted to study Fashion. It was the perfect choice; I loved making clothes, designing and Textiles. It was for me!

For some, it isn’t easy to discover what your purpose or gifts are. At times, you literally feel as though you are going around in circles in order to discover what you were born to do. One thing I have learnt over time is that as life unfolds, you will realise, piece by piece, what you created for. If it were up to my parents, I wouldn’t be where I am; I wouldn’t have taken the fashion route. Coming from a Nigerian home, a career in fashion is not as ‘ideal’ as becoming a Doctor, Lawyer or an Accountant. Thankfully, I’ve always been the type of person who doesn’t let the opinions of others dictate my decisions. I’m glad that I did what felt right.

I always say that although our parents play a critical role in our lives, God is our creator; He knows what we are most suited for.  People can guide and assist us but ultimately, He has the final say. If you have dream, a passion, a deep desire to do something that you know God wants you to do, don’t let anyone dissuade you or kill your confidence because they do not believe in you.  God’s purpose and plan for your life is more important than people-pleasing. At first, my family didn’t agree with my decision to pursue fashion, but now, years on, they support my passion and I don’t think they could imagine me doing anything else.

If you’re struggling to figure out what your purpose is, here are a few things you could do: 

Think about what you’re good at. What can you do easily that a lot of people can’t do so easily?

What are you most comfortable doing?

What are you passionate about?

What could you spend hours doing without even looking at the clock? (This says a lot.)

What could you do that could be beneficial for another? (Usually your God given gift will help or benefit others, not just yourself)

Your gift doesn’t always have to be a hobby or a side hustle. Don’t limit the skills God has given you. He’s given them to for a reason. You could use your gifts and turn them into your dream job, where you’re fulfilled!

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others. Be good servants of God’s various gifts of grace.

1 Peter 4:10

Precious xxx

Are You Worthy Of Your Purpose?

During the course of my childhood and teenage years, I watched enviously as my older sister took piano lessons. Being the not-so-well-behaved child at school, whenever I asked for lessons, all I got was (cue angry Nigerian accent): “DON’T BOTHER ASKING ME AGAIN FOR MONEY TOWARDS THOSE STUPID MUSIC LESSONS. LOOK AT YOUR BEHAVIOUR. THIS HOUSE PHONE CANNOT GO ONE WEEK WITHOUT RECEIVING A CALL FROM YOUR SCHOOL….” As you can imagine, the lecture goes on. Annoyed at my sister’s lack of passion for music, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Half-way through my first year in 6th form, I dug out my sisters’ old keyboard and began to teach myself.

The last few years, I’ve mostly been playing piano recreationally with friends and, every now and then, in churches with choirs. But late last year when I started University and found a Church, I obtained a deep desire. This desire was to use my abilities to lead people into the very thing we were created to do – worship. My first reaction to this was “You are not worthy”.

“In all your sinfulness and unrighteousness, you want to get on that alter and minster to people? Does God really want somebody who is victim to lust, deceitfulness, gluttony and so much more, leading His sons and daughter and worship? Furthermore, what makes you think you even have the skills to do such a thing?”

These were my words. I wish I could say that the enemy said these things to me but I would be lying. The words were mine and mine alone.For the next month I said to myself, “If you even want to think about joining the worship team, you need to fix up. You need to be less sinful and you need to practise every day!” And that is exactly what I tried to do.

As you would guess, I failed.

Epically.

Only then did I finally ask what God had to say about all this.

“If you want to hear God speak, read your Bible out loud” – John Piper.

“What makes you think you even have the skills to do such a thing?” 

God interrupted me and said

“You don’t”.

 I chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; I chose what is what is weak in the world to shame the strong; I chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast my presence”. (1 Conrinthians 1:27-29)

I was right in acknowledging that my skills alone were insufficient, but trying to correct them with endless hours of rehearsing was ultimately the wrong way to go about it. If I had all the right skills then I wouldn’t need Him in my life. I could lead worship and take all the credit – but I don’t. The desire to join the worship team was placed in my heart, not because I’m sufficient, but because I’m insufficient. Reason being – “So that no human being might boast in the presence of God”. If I was sufficient, I would have the right to boast and glorify myself; because I am not, I can only glorify the one who is, God himself.

Does God really want somebody who is victim to lust, deceitfulness, gluttony and so much more, leading His sons and daughter and worship? God said:

 And because of Him you are in Jesus Christ, became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord”.(Corinthians 1:30)

In other words, “YES, you are sinful but that’s why I gave up my Son for you. My Spirit, along with my righteousness, will live within you and sanctify you. When you go up on that alter, go with MY righteousness and MY sanctification so I may be glorified and not you!”

Often we desire to do the work of God in various ways; from becoming a Pastor to speaking to one of our mates about Christ. We cannot let our guilt can cloud our judgment. The intention of this post is not for you ignore your sin – as we should constantly be fighting it – but for you to change your guilt into conviction, repent and allow the righteousness of Christ to work in your life – through whatever it is you to desire to do or become.​

Rupert 🙂

Why I Stopped Hating On Christian Events: Higher Love Special

  People have a lot of negative things to say about Christian events:
“They’re just a guise for attendees to meet people to hook up with”

“They’re a waste of time: Christianity is not about having fun”

“They’re so badly organised you always regret showing up”

Well I for one beg to differ, last week Thursday I went to a Christian event that reminded me how much I love Jesus, got me excited to simply worship God and refocused my mind on living for the Lord my God. Read my interview (below) with Jessica Hagan, co-organiser of Higher Love.

PP: So, what inspired you to come up with Higher Love?

JH: [chuckles] Well, that’s a really good question. I was looking through my spoken word, and I really wanted to perform it but after looking, and looking, and looking some more, I realised there was nowhere to perform it.

PP: Ooooh So you’re an artist yourself, and because you couldn’t find a platform, you created one?

JH: Yess, that’s exactly it! I was praying about my purpose, I wanted God to use me but there just didn’t see to be a platform, and He just dropped it in my head..

PP: We think you mean ‘dropped it in your spirit’?

JH: [laughs] Yes he dropped 2 Corinthians 2:18 in my -spirit-. Literally that scripture kept coming up, every time I prayed for my purpose, at numerous events and through numerous people, so I thought yo, let’s do this, and ran with the vision God gave me

PP: [nods in agreement] Wow, so how did you come up with the name? Why not lower love or same level love?

JH: Because God is the Highest Love that we will ever encounter, we will never know love like we know God’s love, he really is the highest love that we could ever comprehend 

PP: Wooo, can we get an amen! So how do you feel now it’s over?

 JH: I’m just so excited for the next one, I want it to continue in the same honest vein and I’m trusting God that it’ll be bigger and better, and continue to connect Christians and non-believers alike.

PP: Final question: What was the best moment for you?

JH: Best part by far was that God was there, God showed up and the night couldn’t have ended a better way

What can I say, not all Christian events are as well organised and meaningful as Higher Love, but that doesn’t mean we should paint them all with the same brush. Before you write off the next event, remember, that event is probably a vision God laid on someone’s heart, and the only way Christian events will improve is if we swap our scrutiny for supporting our Christian family.

I’m so glad I spent my Thursday night at the Higher Love open mic night and I hope you feel encouraged to run with whatever vision God is dropping in your spirit. It might seem unconventional and you might not be sure if all of the Christian community will co-sign your efforts but that is irrelevant when God has given you a purpose. Church doesn’t have to happen on a Sunday, we don’t need to pray for five hours for the Holy Spirit to show up, and you can spread the Good News without a pulpit and a mic. If you keep ignoring what God is calling you to, you won’t ever have fulfilment in Christ.

Then the LORD answered me and said: “Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. (‭Habakkuk‬ ‭2‬:‭2‬ NKJV)

I Can’t wait for the next for the next Higher Love. Catch them @HigherLoveUk on Twitter and find out when the next event is.
Love y’all,

Dani Xxxx

Do You Know Why You’re Alive?

  

We are a generation enslaved to routines, traditions and culture. We are so caught up in living our lives according to the rules and regulations endorsed by the success of others. We love easy formulas that will guarantee some attainment if we ‘just stick to the plan and follow through’, but life does not work that way. Life expects you to know what is propelling you forward, what is keeping you sane, what is enhancing your journey and what is giving you hope for a future. I very frequently ensure that this is kept at the forefront of my mind to ensure that I am adhering to and fulfilling my purpose, and not his or hers.

If purpose is the reason for which something is done, created or for which something exists then it is important for us to know what ours is. You are probably expecting me to provide you with a step-by-step approach to finding your purpose, or tell you how I found mine. But the truth of the matter is: your purpose is embedded in the reason you get out of bed every morning. I cannot tell you what that is, or what it should be, however whatever it is must not only motivate you, but challenge your intentions.

Purpose should inform all of your life decisions: what you study, where you choose to live, who you stay connected with and even what you do with many of your holidays and weekends. It should demonstrate what is important and what is not. However, realistically most of us are completely clueless when it comes to what we want to do with our lives, who we want to be and where we want to be. Even after we finish school, university or after getting a job and making money, some of us still do not know what our life’s purpose is.

Stop thinking that it is an issue, because it is not. It will become clearer as the days, weeks, months and years pass.

We exist for an undetermined period of time. During that time, we do important and unimportant things. The important things give our lives meaning, whilst the unimportant things literally just kill time that we will never get back. What are we wasting our time doing? So many of us find ourselves doing the things we are just merely good at, just because we can. However, we need to stop deceiving ourselves and selling ourselves short by indulging in the things we were not created to be doing. You can sing? That doesn’t mean you need to become a singer. You can draw? That doesn’t mean you were created to become an artist. You can do make up? That doesn’t mean you must become an MUA. God has planted in us so many gifts and talents, but we need to hone into the ones that add value, and focus on that. Before aspiring to become a Journalist, I once wanted to become a Solicitor. Sometimes we need to understand who we are not, before we can truly grasp who we are and what we are supposed to be doing. I am not saying that I have got it all figured out, I am still learning about my purpose, and the necessary sacrifices I need to fulfil it.

What do people come to you for?

In order to find your purpose, ask yourself the above question. Your purpose is validated by the feeling of complete peace and joy. Dig deeper, let God direct you and search within. To find your purpose is to be free at last, but if we do not know what we are looking for, we will never find it.

Love Yolanthe xx

 

Basic Philosophy: I Watch Film Therefore I Re-evaluate Life

I’ve always found it quite amusing when people classify the whole of society into just two groups. You must have heard them say:

“There are thinkers and doers’

Or

“You’ve either got brains and beauty”

And

“There are leaders and followers”

They sound quite catchy as slogans but what do they actually mean in the tangible sense? Can’t people that think also follow their thoughts through with actions? Are the prettiest people in the world the least intelligent? Even leaders are following someone! These ‘observations’ reveal their irrelevance one you try and see where you fit in. You try and compare your intelligence to your appearance and end up stumped. You wonder who in their right mind would ever classify themselves as a follower. I’m not even going to bother with the first one because it’s so abstract and nothingy it can’t really be trying to make a claim about real people in the world.

So why do we do it?

Apart from the people just trying to appear to have deep philosophical thoughts, I reckon it’s because we see something in others that we don’t quite see in ourselves and assume others must share this divide. Last Thursday was my moment. I went to watch the premier Handle with Care and alongside being thoroughly impressed, I watched the credits roll thinking ‘wow, some people are pursuing their passions’.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ NKJV)

God has done pretty amazing things in store for us, but it’s pretty much down to us whether we run towards our destinies

So leaving the wishy washy life observations aside, let me give you some philosophy 101. You have premises and all those premises need to add up to the conclusion.

Premise 1

We all have a purpose

Premise 2

It is impossible to die both having completely fulfilled your purpose and having not fulfilled it

Conclusion
Some people will die fulfilled and others will not.

I don’t about you but I intend to strive after everything God has for me.

ThankYou Lord for giving me things to hope for.

Love ya

Dani xxxxx

How To Smile When TFL Goes Wrong

I think we have got to accept that we are the most impatient generation yet. Gone are the days where you had to send a letter and wait for a response to communicate with someone that wasn’t within earshot. Most of us have never had to board a ship to reach a destination thousands of miles away. Even the idea of having to save to buy something we could afford has been replaced with the introduction of purchasing items on credit.

We want it all and we want it all now.

There’s a vulnerability that comes with waiting. You might just be waiting for your cake to come out of the oven trying to remember if you remembered to put bicarbonate of soda in it so it will actual rise. You might be waiting for a bus that has been saying ‘due’ for the last 10 minutes, that needs to come in the next 30 seconds otherwise you’ll miss your train. You might be waiting for your big break. You’ve put countless hours and sleepless nights working hard for your business or music career or 9-5 and now you’re waiting for it all to pay off. Ignoring the niggling thought that it never will.

On Tuesday I waited for a train that never came because it got cancelled along the way, waited some more for a train that was so packed (due to the cancellation of the previous train) that I had to watch it drive away with all my hopes of getting to work on time aboard, before finally waiting for a train that I was so determined not to miss I had to manoeuvre and push and wriggle in the fight for a space to stand.

So many people look at ‘waiting’ like its a taboo. Despite my frustration watching my ability to be on time slip away, one huge positive was the drive that I had to fight for a place on the train. How many times do you see people give up on the very thing they’ve been waiting for because they’re so fed up of waiting or they don’t think it’ll happen anymore?

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. (‭Psalms‬ ‭130‬:‭5‬ NKJV)

What are you waiting for?

Are you afraid it will never come through?

Has God given you some direction and you’re still waiting for him to make it happen?

Don’t let the wait decrease your hope in God coming through. If there’s anything that worth the wait its our Lord.

Love lots

Dani xxxx

Why I Started Loving The Haters

When I was little I can admit to being a tiny bit vain. I didn’t quite think that I was God’s gift to Earth, but as Africans who’ve spent a significant time in Africa would say, “I was feeling myself.” (Just means I thought I was hot tomale and I assumed everybody thought the same.) I realise that I’m not making a good case for not being insanely narcissistic but in my defence, I was about 5. These were the days when I was at wits ends thinking about what I would name my daughters because I couldn’t imagine there being a name better than Daniela and I hadn’t heard of girl Juniors. I also felt a little bit sorry for all the other girls who had also been dragged to this African party, not because we shared the predicament of boredom that couldn’t be solved by mobile phones (not even sure my mum had a phone yet, scares you a bit if you think about how technology has transformed the world) but because they didn’t look like me.

I think we need to regroup before I tell anymore. Before you write me off as the epitome of vain, I think we should all remember that I was 5. Everyone around me (my parents) thought I was pretty cool and I was at least God’s gift to their world.

So you can put the pitchforks down, my whole outlook changed when I reached primary school and being Black was not ‘oh so beautiful’ and I couldn’t take my team (still my parents at this point ) onto the playground to tell everyone that it was. The whole feeling-beautiful,
-walking-with-a-pep-in-my-step, dissolved when I realised being blonde with long flowing hair was ‘in’, and my hair, that barely tickled my shoulders and had been divided into 6 big plaits was never going to be ‘cool’.

What was interesting from the age of 5 upwards, was that life was no longer about what I thought of them, but what they thought of me. Of course we go through life acquiring opinions about others, and if we’re brave, expressing them, but our own opinions just seem to matter way less than theirs.

You buy a new coat for example, and even if you think it’s lush, once your clique have expressed their distaste for it, you decide you can’t wear it around them, no matter how nice you think it is, so lush coat remains in the closet, wondering why it wasn’t purchased by someone that was actually going to let it see daylight.

Coats aren’t really that important but the constraints of their opinion doesn’t always end with wardrobe choice. At school people are telling you advising on the way to wear your hair and the songs you should have as your ringtone (remember those?!) and the celebrity gossip you should be keeping on top of, and at church it’s much of the same. Your skirt shouldn’t be above this length and your friends shouldn’t be the sort that engage in these activities, and if you act like that, well then you can’t really call yourself a Christian at all, can you?

All it creates is coat situation 0.2. All the things about us that those around us have agreed don’t make us ‘Christian’ enough, remain hidden in the closets of our hearts only making an appearance when we’re with a more accepting crowd.

We can live a life striving after the ‘Christian’ perspective of what it means to be a Christian or we can find our reflections in Christ. When you see yourself the way you’re described in the pages of God’s word , you won’t look at yourself and see all the things you need to hide but all the things God’s going to change.

You may feel like God’s biggest disappointment because you keep getting it wrong, but God is saying:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9‬

You won’t become a better Christian trying to be like Christians. It doesn’t matter what their opinion is of you, and it doesn’t hugely matter what you think of yourself, because God’s opinion trumps them all.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭16-17

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So let the haters hate and tell you that you have to serve God like this, and you have to pray like that and you have to stop going there and you have to stop wearing that. It’s God that does the transforming and even if you’re far away from where you want to be (we all are, serving Christ is a constant pursuit of him) you can have faith in that your God is going to get you to where you need to be.

Love ya like chicken and chips on a cheat day!

D.C 🙂

How To Look Good Naked

I love make-over shows.  Maybe it’s the idea that you can start with a woman lacking in confidence, unaware of her beauty, and with a few  make-up tips and better fitting clothes, said lady transforms into a swan right before our very eyes. You feel like you’ve gone on the journey with her and you’re nearly as elated as she is when she finally gets to see how breath-taking she can look at The Big Reveal. ‘How to look good naked,’ is probably one of my favourite make-over shows, especially because the master of fashion A.K.A. Gok Wan, manages to transform appearances and multiply confidence without anyone undergoing nips here and tucks there at the hands of a plastic surgeon. (No I’m not anti plastic surgery per se, I just think it’s always nice when you can work with the looks God gave someone and still make them feel beautiful.)

Despite my allegiance to the show, if you’ve ever watched an episode,  you will have also noticed that the show doesn’t actually fulfill it’s branding, and when the hours up, you won’t be any steps closer to improving your naked body. Unlike Gok, I am solemnly swearing this beautiful morning to not only provide looking good naked advice, but also feeling good naked tips. Look good= feel good? Or is it, feel good= look good? Is it just me or does your outward appearance have a strong correlation with how you feel on the inside? When you haven’t got that shape up, you’re edges need perming, or your skin is being an enemy of progress and breaking out all over the gaff, it’s really hard to still feel like you’re great and you have good things going for you. There’s an interesting relationship between how you feel and how you look, so, sort out one of them, and you’re halfway to happiness.

Maybe I’m just a shallow lass but when the mirror is telling me things I don’t want to hear it’s really hard to put my happy face on.

Last summer I came to a realisation. I remember I was looking through my Facebook photos when it suddenly dawned on me, and I felt a huge urge to share my recent discovery. As I picked up the phone to inform my various amigos, I broke the news to them gently: I wasn’t a beaut. Now don’t get me wrong, before this day I wasn’t under some impression that I was a head-turner or anything worthy of breath holding, but I did feel ‘more happy than sad’ when I faced my reflection. It was weird; all of a sudden I had been hit with this new reality that I was absolutely nothing special. Of course my friends responded in the way they do to most of the melodramatic things I say and rolled their eyes, telling me my utterances were foolish and foundation-less. But it’s like the more I said it, the more I came to terms with the average Joe I had always been but only realised I’d become. That’s when the change began…

I’d told myself I was Plain Jane and from that day I couldn’t see anything else. I wasn’t at despair with my mug-shot, it just didn’t bring me any kind of joy. If in the summer I only had an inclining that I was just your average girl, by the winter I had completely become her. I looked in the mirror and saw a ‘something lacking, nothing to write home’ about lass, looking back at me,  and didn’t even realise the effect it was having on my outlook on life. I thought I was complacent with a ‘who cares if I’m not beautiful, why should I get to feel nice anyway’ attitude but it was slowly eating away at me and the sadness I felt when faced with my reflection spread to other areas of my life and hovered over me like a grey cloud ready to rain on my parade. It’s strange because we tell ourselves that there’s more to us than looks and then spend a whole lot of time letting our  appearances govern how we feel and the confidence we lay claim to. So there I was, in  a rut that I didn’t even know I was stuck in, when one moment threw me out of synch with my ‘I’m ugly, self-pity’, routine.

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

Bible study one Monday got the cogs in my head turning as I was reminded of scriptures I absent-mindedly recite: life and death is in the power of the tongue. That was it. Hey presto! I had singly handedly made myself ugly and If I wanted to feel beautiful again I needed to speak it over myself, which is  exactly what I did. Waking up and finding nothing in my appearance to smile about I looked into my eyes and told myself I was fearfully and wonderfully made. If God says I’m wonderful that means I’m a spice even when I just feel like rice with no salt.(spice= pretty person.) By the end of the week I had got my mojo back.

You can call me crazy all you like, but I genuinely did speak some pretty over my life, and within a week I saw it.

I guess I learnt three things.

Firstly: If you believe it you’ll see it.

I’ve always been a big believer in this so I don’t know why I let myself believe something I didn’t want to be true. It’s like self-fulfilling prophecy: once you convince someone they’ll amount to nothing, they start believing you and stop trying so hard to achieve. The Bible tells us everything we need to know about ourselves so when ideas come into our heads that don’t match up with what God says about us then we need to kick those thoughts to the curb where they belong.

Secondly: Don’t say things you don’t want to become/remain true.

Our words are way more powerful than we give them credit for. God made the whole world by speaking because:what we say, we create. This means we have to be ultra-careful to not curse ourselves and not let others curse us. We may have all felt like the exam we’ve just taken was a struggle but WE are not going to fail, if YOU feel like YOU are going to fail don’t include ME in your sentence. I know I sound extreme, but it’s time we started taking the things we say, and the things said about us more seriously.

Lastly: You are beautiful.

You may not fit into the current mass media definition of beauty but that’s the great thing about the world we live in, opinions change. God doesn’t. You might never feel world pretty, but as long as you know you’re God wonderful, to heck with magazine portrayal.

To everyone wishing they were model pretty, remember that your God defined beauty before any human could say what was the right and wrong way to look. Find your reflection in the Bible, there’s way more truth in that than your mirror.

 

Love lots

 

Dani xxxxx

The Day I Abandoned My Baby

‘God said’ has got to be the most weighty way to open a sentence, and yet it’s thrown about willy nilly by Christians everywhere. The problem is the fakes  that abuse those words to guilt trip church-goers into putting an extra in the offering plate only so they can turn up next week in a shiny lambo. Needless to say, the words ‘God said’  have received some bad press. It’s not that we don’t believe God speaks anymore, it’s just that we feel that we have to be extra cautious when accepting someone’s Word from the Lord as an actual message from God. Things get tricky when people say that God has spoken to them concerning you. Nobody can claim infallibility (even the Pope, but we’ll have that discussion another day) and coupled with the fact that humans generally can’t be trusted, it becomes very difficult to decipher whether God has actually spoken to individual, whether they ‘heard’ the wrong thing or if they have an ulterior motive. When someone gives you a Word from God here’s the dilemma: how much can we believe what they say to be true. However, a whole new dilemma comes about when God speaks to you directly. The question stops being, how do I know it was God to ‘do I want to listen to what God has to say.’ When God told me to metaphorically speaking, ‘pick up my bed and walk’ I wasn’t expecting to have to leave my baby behind.

You don’t have to turn too many pages of your Bible to see that God says some seemingly outrageous things. Telling Abraham to offer Isaac his son as a sacrifice to him, can definitely be included amongst God’s most eyebrow raising utterances. I won’t lie, I thought all those seemingly outrageous commands were an Old Testament phenomenon. Little did I know that God was still in the ‘completely baffling you and forcing you to really question how much you are committed to him’ mood. Last year January, I asked God to have his way in my life, and he told me to abandon the very thing that fed my soul, warmed my heart and caused my eyes to overspill with tears of joy: my budding acting career.

No, I am not a celebrity before you start googling my name, but I did have big dreams of living The Dream; a life on the stage, screen, and the occasional red carpet appearance in between. For the longest time I have loved acting, and from the age 14 I have dedicated the my time to learning and crafting the kind of actor I wanted to be. I’m the sort of person who sets sights on a goal and works tirelessly until I see the vision fulfilled, and that was exactly the motivation in which I pursued becoming a successful actress. Training, agent searching, open auditioning, until hey presto! I found my agent and people started offering me money for doing the thing I loved most. I couldn’t wait to finish University so I could commit to pursuing the dream full time, until it dawned on me that becoming an actress had at no point been attached to the words: God said. You can’t get through a church service without someone mentioning that we live to fulfil what God has called us to do; one day I realised that I had no clue whether acting was what God wanted me to pursue as my day job.

I took to my knees to pray. I remember vividly saying ‘Lord if acting isn’t what you want me to do, then I don’t want to do it’,  ‘What would you like me to do with my time?’

What did I hear?

Nothing.

Weeks snowballed into months of waiting on the Lord but my prayer remained persistent. Two things  on waiting on The Lord while we’re here:

1) It’s not necessarily going to be a short wait so keep yourself entertained by  worshipping  God just because he’s great and don’t allow yourself to be consumed by the answer you’re longing for.

2) You might not like what’s on the other end of the phone.

 

What I didn’t realise when I was asking God to direct my life and declaring ‘if you can use anything Lord, you can use me,’ is that God was taking me seriously and that God’s plan wasn’t going to be a bigger version of the plan I had concocted for myself. I remember I was at church when I heard God loud and clear:

Business.

At first I was confused. Me? Business? When had I ever indicated to God that I wanted to do business? In fact it sounded like the complete opposite of what I wanted to do. I like routine and certainty and business has always involved a high element of risk.  I carried on praying, maybe half expecting God to change his mind, but mostly because business wasn’t enough to run with. So after momentary breakthrough I was back to my knees waiting on the Lord with ears open wide. This time I only had to wait weeks before God responded that I should read up on the financial market. Ok, I could run with that: Business and Finance. I was so glad to have found direction I almost didn’t realise that this meant no more acting. I had asked God what he wanted me to do and nowhere had he mentioned taking on a new persona as a day to day activity.

This week I was watching Orange is the New Black ( if you aren’t already hooked there’s no time like the present to start watching) and was reminded of all the dreams I had previously had that weren’t going to be realised.  I remembered how I had called my agent and told him that the the game was up and that there was a high chance I would never perform in front of people again. I wept all over again.

It’s been over a year and the pain that came with closing the door that would have allowed me an easy  return to the dream I had birthed,  still chokes my throat with tears and has me sometimes wondering, what if?

What if I hadn’t heard right?

Reading the Abraham story does more than enough to emphasise the importance of consistrntly seeking God  so that you’re always up to date on God’s will on a matter. For those who don’t know how the story goes : Abraham had been praying for a child for a very long time, after his wife goes past the age where she’s able to conceive God blesses them with Isaac, God tells Abraham to offer Isaac as a sacrifice to him and then just at the point where we could call it quits for Isaac, God provides a ram and tells Abraham to sacrifice that instead. It doesn’t bear thinking about what would have happened if Abraham didn’t hear God when he exchanged Isaac’s fate with the Ram’s. Imagine if Abraham had killed the son God had promised him. It would completely ruin God’s plan to make him a father of many nations. See I’m not deluded. I know that getting told you have to kill your son isn’t quite the same as having to bury your dream, but it’s the only thing I can equate how I felt/still feel to. It’s funny because we pray and fast to hear from God and don’t ever consider that we won’t actually want to hear what God has to say. Once we know it’s God speaking (being sure of his voice comes with practicing hearing him) then we’re faced with whether or not we want to obey.

What if hadn’t succumbed?

Life would be so different if I hadn’t followed God’s Business and Finance direction. I wouldn’t be about to begin a Business Services Graduate scheme in a bank in September; I’d probably be spending my whole summer auditioning and praying I booked myself a role on a Drama that would take me to the big-time. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful, just scared and overwhelmed all at the same time as I remember that I no longer have my whole life planned out, and that I’m going to have to seek God for the next steps of my journey. Sometimes, when we receive instructions that we don’t like, we stop being willing servants of the Lord and start wishing we’d never asked, all the while taking for granted that Christ actually wanted to give his life for us on the cross. The thing about Christianity is that nothing Christ asks you to do will ever compare to what he’s already done for you, and if you think it was easy for him to succumb to the will of The Father, you’ve forgotten the bit of the story where Jesus begged for the cup to pass him by. When God refused, Jesus didn’t have a sulk and start weighing up the pros and cons of obeying, He answered ‘ Lord not my will, but yours be done.’

To everyone praying those ‘have your way, you can use me Lord,’ I hope you’re ready for what is to come. To those that aren’t, God will still ask you to sacrifice the things that you never thought you’d have to let go of. Whilst you’re feeling hard done by and regretting ever including God in your life decisions, remember, Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice and anything you do in response to that sacrifice is an honour.

For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21

Living for Christ is the meaning of life and dying and getting to be with him is the only thing better than getting to live for him. You aren’t doing God a favour by serving him because getting to live for Christ is the best thing that ever happened to you. Stop letting pride stop you from choosing God’s will over your own, and start feeling privileged that you get to.

 

God bless and mucho loveio

 

Dani xxxxxxxxxxx